I’ve been reading A.A. Milne poems to my son a lot lately, and although his favorite is Lines and Squares, I keep returning to this one. I think it’s especially appropriate today. I was almost tempted to write my own customized parody (”I am Saddam!” (Rat-tat!)), but I’ll let it stand as is:

BAD SIR BRIAN BOTANY

by A.A.Milne

Sir Brian had a battleaxe with great big knobs on.
He went among the villagers and blipped them on the head.
On Wednesday and on Saturday,
Especially on the latter day,
He called on all the cottages and this is what he said:

“I am Sir Brian!” (Ting-ling!)
“I am Sir Brian!” (Rat-tat!)
“I am Sir Brian,
“As bold as a lion!
“Take that, and that, and that!”

Sir Brian had a pair of boots with great big spurs on;.
A fighting pair of which he was particularly fond.
On Tuesday and on Friday,
Just to make the street look tidy,
He’d collect the passing villagers and kick them in the pond.

“I am Sir Brian!” (Sper-lash!)
“I am Sir Brian!” (Sper-losh!)
“I am Sir Brian,
“As bold as a Lion!
“Is anyone else for a wash?”

Sir Brian woke one morning and he couldn’t find his battleaxe.
He walked into the village in his second pair of boots.
He had gone a hundred paces
When the street was full of faces
And the villagers were round him with ironical salutes.

“You are Sir Brian? My, my.
“You are Sir Brian? Dear, dear.
“You are Sir Brian
“As bold as a lion?
“Delighted to meet you here!”

Sir Brian went a journey and he found a lot of duckweed.
They pulled him out and dried him and they blipped him on the head.
They took him by the breeches
And they hurled him into ditches
And they pushed him under waterfalls and this is what they said:

“You are Sir Brian — don’t laugh!
“You are Sir Brian — don’t cry!
“You are Sir Brian
“As bold as a lion –
“Sir Brian the Lion, goodbye!”

Sir Brian struggled home again and chopped up his battleaxe.
Sir Brian took his fighting boots and threw them in the fire.
He is quite a different person
Now he hasn’t got his spurs on,
And he goes about the village as B. Botany, Esquire.

“I am Sir Brian? Oh, no!
“I am Sir Brian? Who’s he?
“I haven’t any title, I’m Botany;
“Plain Mr. Botany (B.)”